Hello, my name is Abdullah Shabazz and I am a military veteran. I served in the Army for 9 years and I was deployed to both Iraq and Afghanistan for a total of 4 combat tours. I am diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to the vicious atrocious I experienced in combat. The purpose of this editorial is to inform you of the help I received and the steps I take to remain alive and productive today.

In 2014, I was clinically diagnosed with PTSD due to my anger outbursts and multiple trips to the VA (Veterans Affairs) mental health ward for suicidal attempts. This was the result of me releasing the anger and pain I held inside for years of not being able to truly express myself for fear of retribution from the Army. During my times in both Iraq and Afghanistan, it was highly frowned upon to admit that a soldier had a serious mental health issue.

The moment of clarity for me came into existence when my mother sat me down and gave me a harsh reality of my problems. She explained to me that if I didn’t control my anger, there would come a time when my son will be afraid to be in my presence. Not only was that a wake-up, but it provoked me to seek out help to resolve the mental health issues that I unintentionally kept hidden for years.

On December 19, 2013, my younger brother and I had a fight, where I completely blacked out and severely bit his ear. My mother kicked me out of her house (where I staying at the time) and I drove to Walmart and purchased a bottle of bleach. Next, I drove to my old neighborhood in Chicago, parked my car, poured the bleach into a coffee and I drank the entire cup. I sat in my car for about 30 minutes to see if the bleach would dissolve throughout my body and kill me.

Once time had passed and the bleach did nothing to negatively affect my body, I proceeded to drive myself to the VA Hospital and admit to the personnel there what I had done. I was admitted afterward to the mental health ward, and I remained silent for a while, not wanting to speak to anybody. One day, I attended a study class in the mental health ward, and that was the moment where I decided to finally open up and fully address the mental issues that were destroying me.

It was during this period in 2014 that I began to realize I wasn’t alone in my struggles when dealing with mental health. There were multiple factors that caused my mental health to deteriorate during that time. The things I experienced in combat were just one aspect of my anger, pain, and frustration. The loneliness, isolation, and feeling like a failure also contributed to my thoughts of wanting to commit suicide.

During this time at the PTSD clinic in North Chicago, IL is when I finally received the proper help in accordance with my mental health issues. I was given the opportunity to verbally express my problems and to not feel ashamed about it. I kept a daily journal of writing about my thoughts and feelings and creating strategies for conflict resolution. I also learned how to channel my anger from reacting explosively into calmly assessing the situation beforehand.

I also set up appointments where I was assigned a mental health counselor for one-on-one therapy sessions. In each session that I attended, I would bring up an issue and I would describe how I was able to successfully remove myself from the situation getting out of hand. The major component of how I would relieve myself of a tense moment was remaining calm and not allowing my emotions to get the best of me when confronted.

These methods of being able to regain my sense of worth and controlling my anger are something that has helped me to conquer my mental health problems over the years. I am not a finished product; for I’m continuously a work in progress. There are times I think about giving and going into complete isolation. However, I’m well aware that it is not the best method for me to utilize but instead, take advantage of the options that I myself as a military veteran have at my disposal.

I want to end by saying that I humbly pray that my testimony will encourage or inspire someone to get the help they truly need. Mental health is important to each one of us, and you should never feel alone in your struggle. There are people such as me – as well as professionals – who truly care and are here to guide you on your journey to complete your journey. It is up to you to acknowledge that you have a problem, and there is nothing wrong with seeking help. I pray that my words will become of great benefit to you. Thank you kindly, and my God bless each and every last one of you!

Peace and Love,

Abdullah Shabazz